they say that one way to counter nightmares is with lucid dreaming. this means that bad dreams may be fought with consciousness imported from the waking world. perhaps that unholy anxiety you face as you're stalked by a faceless haunt is only your perspective. turn around. maybe your shadow is simply trying to pass on valuable information. even welcome news. you'll never know until you convince your sleeping mind to do something. only it's hard, because sometimes the dreams are bad enough that nothing could ever convince you to put this theory to the test.
you'll wake up screaming eventually...
not me. i wake up gasping for breath.
apnea could be responsible. also klonopin withdrawal. also creativity. sensuality. psychosis. sensitivity. stress. etc. most adults don't have nightmares. the odds are roughly 16:1 against. i'd feel lucky if i hadn't watched me play so much poker.
last night was escape. not a camp, but more like a city abandoned by all but the most expendable. brutality. fear. not as bad as two nights ago. experimentation. vivisection. compromised children. dreams within dreams. escapes that were nothing of the sort. fantasy and need fused into madness. violence without result, and the resulting fear, contempt and shame.
it makes me afraid to go to sleep. my old friend darkness has never been so guilty by association.
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